Reflection
by Kathryn M.B. Denson
Summary: A songficplease don't run away! Mariemaia struggles with an internal battle about who she really is. She is afraid she'll be miserable living a lie forever. Does anyone else have words of wisdom for her? What will the reccommend? Please read and revi


Reflection

This is a sonfic to the Christina Aguilera song. Please read and review.

_Look at me…_

Mariemaia brushed her collar-length red hair in front of the vanity. She dropped the brush and sighed. The young girl in the reflection just didn't feel like her.

_You may think you see who I really am._

She saw Treize Khushrenada and Lisa Barton when she stared into the mirror. The parents she couldn't even remember. Lisa had died when she was two. Treize had never known she existed—or if he had, anyway, he had never visited.

_But you'll never know me._

She had heard the whispers of Treize's old friends that sometimes came to visit Lady Une. "She has his eyes," they whispered. "If only he had still been alive before…"

Mariemaia didn't know what Treize would have done if he'd been alive when Dekim used her as his puppet. Everyone seemed to think he would have done better than her, or been able to fix her mistake.

_Every day, it's as if I play a part._

She sighed again. She felt as if she was the main character of some TV show. Always watched since trying to take over Earth two years ago. She was nine now. She'd changed…right?

_Now I see, if I wear a mask, I can fool the world. But I cannot fool my heart._

EARLIER THAT DAY…

She glanced at Milliardo. "Why are you throwing away your mask, Colonel Zechs?" she asked.

Milliardo searched for an explanation. "You see, it's not me when I wear it. I know I'm only fooling myself. Your father saw it, too…Oh, and please don't call me Zechs. Call me Milliardo."

"Sorry," she apologized.

_Who is that girl I see,_

NOW…

Mariemaia wondered. Who was she, anyway?

_Staring straight back at me?_

Her reflection glared. That just simply couldn't be her. Who was she…just Treize's reflection, or something he would be ashamed of? Maybe that was why he never came to see her. Maybe he knew right away she would become something evil.

_When will my reflection show who I am inside?_

Her features told nothing about her true self, how she had changed since Lady Une took her in. There was no way for her to prove to them that she wasn't scheming to take over the world again. They couldn't read her mind and she knew no way to show them that she meant it.

_I am now in a world where I have to hide my heart, and what I believe in._

She went out to the Preventer Headquarters. The guards knew her and let her in without any trouble. She had to see Wufei.

Mariemaia knew Wufei had killed her father, but for some reason, she had never been angry at him for it. He was usually very formal with her, and she wondered if it was because he could see Treize staring at him through her eyes.

Before she knew it, she was in Wufei's office. He was staring at a picture, his face solemn. "Uh…Wufei?" she whispered.

He pulled back, startled. "Sorry, I didn't know you where there." Turning to her, he straightened out, placing his hands on his lap. "What do you need?"

"Um," she said, not sure how to put it. "Who is the lady in the picture?"

"My wife, Meiran," Wufei said, a hint of discomfort showing in his features.

"You're married?" she asked, surprised. "I thought you were only eighteen."

"My parents and Meiran's parents forced us to marry when we were fourteen. She died the same year."

"I didn't know," Mariemaia murmured.

"That's because I didn't tell anyone. It's better to hide things from people here."

_But, somehow, I will show the world what's inside my heart,_

"But there has to be another way," Mariemaia objected.

"There isn't," Wufei said.

_And be loved for who I am._

"I can't hide who I am, Wufei!" she protested.

"You do if you don't want something like what happened to me to happen to you." He studied her face. "That's what's been on your mind, hasn't it?"

She wheeled herself out and bumped into Duo and Quatre.

_Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me?_

She saw herself reflected in Duo's sunglasses.

"Hey, Mariemaia, is something wrong?" Quatre asked.

"I've been trying to find out who I am," she admitted. It sounded stupid. She hated admitting it out loud. Shouldn't you automatically know who you are?

The boys didn't look so surprised, however.

"Who do you think you are?" Duo asked, flipping his long braid over one shoulder and gazing down—or at least she thought, he was wearing dark sunglasses.

"I-I don't really know," she admitted. "Who do you think I am?"

Duo and Quatre exchanged glances and then looked back at her.

"We can't tell you what only you can find out," Quatre said softly. "Just look inside yourself."

_Why is my reflection someone I don't know?_

"I don't know!" she said, starting to cry.

"The answer is here." Quatre patted his chest. Or his heart, rather.

She wheeled herself to see Trowa. Maybe he'd have better answers for her. He'd always been a source of wisdom in the past.

_Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time?_

Trowa sat reading a book written in Russian.

"Mister Trowa?" she asked softly.

"Hmm?" Trowa said as he looked up. "Mariemaia." He set down the book.

"I wanted to know if you pretend to be someone that's not yourself."

"Most people do," Trowa said thoughtfully. "It's easier to conform than to be yourself. Being yourself has consequences…but so does pretending to be someone you're not."

"Which one is more harmful?"

Trowa paused. "That's…for you to decide." He picked up the book again, a signal that he had nothing left to say.

_When will my reflection show who I am inside?_

She left Trowa and saw Heero typing at his computer. Typical Heero. He probably couldn't help her. He had barely spoken five words to her since she met him.

Everything she knew about him she had heard from other people. Duo made jokes about him being suicidal and emotionless. Any words Lady Une spoke about him were either praising his abilities or clicking her tongue over his inability to express emotions.

Relena seemed to know him the best, though. She said that he had learned not to show his emotions because he was trained to be a soldier. He really had them, she insisted, and he would show them when he trusted people enough.

Well…maybe he was really just going through the same thing Mariemaia was. It might be the blind leading the blind, but thinking on what Relena said about him, maybe he knew more about what was on her mind than she'd originally thought.

_There's a heart that must be free to fly._

"Heero, who are you?"

Heero looked up in surprise. "You know my name, so I'll assume you want a deeper meaning of who I am," he said.

"I need to know. I don't know who I am."

"I'm a soldier. It's a sad thing to be. Soldiers are anonymous, brutal, and mindless beings."

"Relena says that's not all you are," Mariemaia said bluntly. "She says you're a lot more than that."

Heero's lips curved in a rare smile. "She said that?"

"Yes. She says you have feelings but you bury them."

"Of course I have feelings. You learn not to let them get into the way of reason when you're on the battlefield. I have no use for them there."

"You're not on the battlefield now," she pointed out.

That seemed to get him. "No…" he said slowly. "I suppose I'm not."

She tried again. "Who do you think I am?"

"Well," he said, sliding his hands off the keyboard and turning to her. "You're…intelligent. I think you might be one of the most intelligent people I know, and you're only a child. I can see you easily getting involved in whatever field you wanted. You're not stubborn, but you have a strong will. I might feel sorry for whoever tries to get in your way."

_That burns with a need to know the reason why. _

_Why must we all conceal what we think, how we feel?_

"Why did J train you out of your emotions?" she asked.

"Because you and Dekim told him to. Either that or I died." Heero paused.

"What?" Mariemaia asked.

"It didn't work. I still feel. I just don't let anyone know that I do."

"Is that how I'm supposed to live my life?"

He lowered his head. "Only if you want to feel completely miserable the rest of your life…like me."

_Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide?_

Heero had only convinced her that she needed to show what she was really feeling. What if she did become miserable? Heero had killed people his whole life, never shown a tear. The only person he really seemed to care about was Relena.

Although Mariemaia had once kidnapped her, Relena treated her as if she was a favorite cousin. She was always welcome at her house. Relena was so warm and open…she must have an answer…

Mariemaia rang the doorbell of the mansion. Relena's butler, Pagan, admitted her without a comment as to the tearstains on her face. But Relena was in to join her very quickly, so he must have told her about them.

"Foreign Minister Darlian," she sobbed. "I need help."

"What's wrong?" Relena asked, sounding alarmed.

"I'm confused. It's like I have to hide who I am. It's been that way my whole life."

Relena had been frightened before, perhaps thinking someone had hurt her. She relaxed a little, her violet gaze becoming gentle.

_I won't pretend that I'm someone else for all time._

"Don't pretend you're someone other than yourself," Relena said. "I'm a diplomat. I figured it all out. I felt the same way when I was a teenager."

"How'd you solve it?"

"I decided to stop living a lie. All these other girls nearly worshipped me because they thought I was so perfect. In reality, I was depressed. I was bored. I felt like no one cared about me, because they loved something I really wasn't. Then I met Heero. He didn't fawn over me. He actually wanted to kill me." She shrugged at Mariemaia's horrified expression. "Does it really surprise you? I found out he was a Gundam pilot; I was a threat to him. Anyway, he doesn't want to kill me now. And that's because I had to start voicing my opinions about the war, and he decided to protect the real me. It seemed like I did things better telling the truth than lying."

"How do I stop lying, though?"

"Follow your heart," Relena said carefully. "Don't do things because someone else tells you to be someone you're not. Think about who you want to be—really want to be, what would make you the most happy—and try to be that person. That's who you really are."

_When will my reflection show who I am inside?_

Mariemaia dried her tears, washed her face, murmured a word of thanks to Relena, and went home. She looked in the mirror, seeing herself, and imagined her parents behind her, smiling proudly.

_When will my reflection show who I am inside?_

"Mariemaia?" Une walked into her room.

"Yes, Miss Une?"

"Did you find out who you are?"

"Yes." Mariemaia grinned. "It's kind of funny now. I was so worked up because half of the people wanted me to be Treize and the other half thought he'd be ashamed of me. Part of him may live on in me, but I'm not him. And thankfully, I'm not Dekim, either. I'm just Mariemaia."

"I'm glad you found that out," Une said with a smile. "There's something I've been meaning to show you."

She pulled a photo album from behind her back. In it was a picture of…

"It's my father," she whispered.

"It was from when he entered the Lake Victoria Academy," Une informed her. "It's for you to keep." She rose to leave the room.

"Wait—Une!" Mariemaia said suddenly.

Une hesitated. "Yes?"

"Can…I call you Mom?" Mariemaia asked, almost shyly.

THE END

Authors note:

Hey, minna-san! This is my first songfic. Can you tell?

I was listening to "Reflection" on my Christina Aguilera CD, and I thought, "That song's perfect for a songfic." I thought about who it should be based on, and Mariemaia is trapped between being a Barton and a Khushrenada. Plus, she was brainwashed. It was perfectly…well…perfectly perfect.

I am not what you would call a Christina Aguilera fan…I just like this song. When everyone was going through the pop craze, I bought some CD's even though I don't care much for the singers or bands. Now I just buy whatever I like.

I don't think Mariemaia gets the credit she deserves. She is a great character—my favorite, in fact—and everyone seems to ignore her for some reason. There wouldn't be an Endless Waltz without her. She's a genius, she's confused, she tried to take over the world for crying out loud. She's a great character! Write about her, people!


End file.
